Not new to the forums as I've been lurking for some time. Seen so many people on here going through similar issues. I guess I am on here finally registering and posting in hopes to get some advice.
I will try and make this as brief as I can.
Recently I got a new job/career. This career albeit far more responsible allows me the freedom to create my own schedule and thus, I am able to have pretty much every weekend off and attend anything my son needs.
Just the other day when I sent my ex a text regarding us getting back on rotating weekends for my son, she sent me a lengthy rant about how I have turned my back on him for 5 years, how last week when he saw me, he came home crying every night for 3 days because ( APPARENTLY) I filled his head with non-sense about how he would have to live with me. So she threatened to take me to court ( remove my rights to my son) and said at this time it's visitation only. <------
So I called her after work, tried to understand why my son would be all worked up. She essentially called me a shit parent and that I've never been there for him, yada yada. That (I'm ) the one confusing him.
So here's a quick timeline synapses.
[Son born in 2011, conceived from long term with this woman, we broke up before I knew she was pregnant and right when my mother passed away. ( Yes she knew she was pregnant on my mothers death bed and didn't tell her)]
[Paternity test in early 2012, Court after that as we discussed about fixing our relationship. I was ordered to pay her x amount of money and I had legal rights to him every other weekend; with LIBERAL visitation and LIBERAL agreements, plus half of all medical bills].
[2012, working a full time job 50 hours a week, and part time freelance 20-30 hours a week. She lived with her mother and father 50 miles away, I drove there every 3rd night to support her and most weekends].
[Mid 2012 I offered her to come live with me as she got a job (15) miles from me... she refused and drove the distance even though she claimed to be wanting to fix the relationship... keep in mind I was paying child support AND formula, diapers etc]
**During this time we didn't do every other weekend because I was seeing her off and on during this period, we both agreed it didn't matter at this stage**
[2013, gave up my rent to own, and my good paying job and moved 45 miles to the nearest town. I did a month to month lease for rent so her and I could fix our relationship, go to counseling. She got a house and was expecting me to just move in, I told her no... I didn't want to move in and have it not work out just to see my son go through that, I told her I'd move in once everything is solid between us].
**So this is where things get sketchy with my seeing my son. i worked a job that required unknown hours and unknown weekends. It was virtually impossible for me to plan ANY weekends. She didn't care as she knew we were fixing things apparently. At this stage for about a 6 months period I saw my son maybe 4 times a month, it was rough, the move put me in debt, SHE put me in massive debt.**
[2013-mid 2014. As I am replacing the new flooring in her home she tells me she has a wedding to go to. As I'm playing with my son at the house, a guy walks in. She tells me on the fly, that this is her new boyfriend and as I look around I noticed all my pictures were removed from the family pictures. In a nutshell, she was sleeping with a married man this whole time and waiting for him to divorce]
I wasn't mad. It was a sigh of relief. I tried my best for my son, at that moment I just smiled and laughed inside.
[2014-2016... I get some overnights with my son. Due to work, again, and being completely pigeon holed by debt and stuck in a place I didn't want to be, EVERY weekend was a debate on whether or not I got my son. most weekends they were gone, doing this or that. When I pushed for my legally owed every other weekend, she would bitch and say you will just work and get a sitter for him. So she wouldn't let me have him because half the time I would need a sitter. The nights he DID stay over, she claimed he was going through separation anxiety ( Which I find hard to believe)... because he constantly asks to stay overnight when he is here]
So I've fought for him every weekend. She claims I turned my back on him but not once did a weekend go by where I didn't try to get him or try to call... something, anything.
She feels the court will favor her because I haven't been there, based off her perception.... but I have as much as possible. My son and work are my existence for now. I don't even date or get laid.
Early 2016 she found out I was moving into her town, so her and this guy packed their shit. MOVED to HIS parents just to avoid the joint custody I was about to unleash on them, changed my sons daycare 3 times... and THEN bought a house another 20 miles from there ( I drive 50 miles to pick up my son from school... keep in mind I moved 45 miles away from home and quit my job to begin with). So my son in the course of what ? 14-15 months? has moved twice, switched daycare 3 times, not to mention been introduced to all these new people..... and I'm the one causing him confusion?.
So fast forward. I've landed a kick ass career. They have a joint income but is demanding more money. Shes 6 months pregnant ( I knew nothing about it), When my son has these supposed separation anxiety issues ( I know nothing about it) until the next time I ask to see him and she lights up on me. She completely drops the ball on ANY communication and a mutual parent...
We agreed mutually on several instances when he acted up, even though I don't have proof, to allow me to have days with him but not many overnights. Maybe I was being too passive or nice. I somehow feel that may have come back to bite me; but the last year the amount of time I spent would have been equal to having him every other weekend anyways.
So my question is this. [IF] I said hell no fuck this, I'm tired of this controlling game shes playing and take her to court for my mandated every other weekend, what would my odds be?. I'm considering a pre-emptive strike to end this once and for all. I make enough money right now to purchase a home right across from my son without their knowledge. I'd have to drive an hour to work but fuck it, he's my son dammit. Pardon my language and I may as well fight for joint custody(now that I finally have the capacity) instead of paying this disrespectful croon a mortgage payment every month.
So have any of you been through court in relations to something this serious? Because at this time she is genuinely threatening me with removing me from my sons life.