How to destroy unemployment

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How to destroy unemployment

Postby dubya » Tue Nov 08, 2016 3:41 pm

How to destroy unemployment (and be more successful in general.)

1. Don't only have 1 resume. Tailor the resume to each job. If you are applying to warehouse, don't put "spent 3 years as corporate director of xyz." They will think you will quit the first chance you got (and they might be right.) If you are applying for job as corporate director, don't put "spent 3 years bagging groceries at Key Food." They will think you don't have the right class or decorum.

2. If you have gaps or long-term enemployment, LIE. Fill the gaps. In a perfect world, nobody should have to lie, in a perfect world we would all shit unicorns and be nice to each other. This is not the world we live in. In this world, even the CEO lied to get his job and the Treasury Secretary cheated on his taxes.

3. Create a dossier on yourself, your persona, the man you present yourself to be. Whether "high class" management or low-class blue collar, create that persona in your history, mannerism, clothing, etc and be consistent. If you apply for job in law firm, come with crisp suit looking like a million bucks, shoes polished, talk like William F Buckley, do not come into corporate office like "Sup fam, yo, dis dude said you got a job." They will not hire you like that.

4. Ignore "requirements." Job requirements are like women's requirements, a telephone book of "must have" that the right man can just ignore, waltz in and fuck her. You just have to have the balls to do it. If you honestly think you can do the job and do it well, APPLY for it, show up and give them your best pitch. Prepare for hard questions and technical interview. Drop buzzwords to show you know what you're doing, you're no n00b. When they hire you, smirk at the guy with the Master's degree they sent a letter of "sorry but we have declined to hire you."

5. Temping. Alot of people go for permanent jobs and don't know shit about temping. Temping is huge, especially "technical temps." Like system administrators or network specialists, that are not employees but hired either on contract or by the hour from an agency. These jobs have a much lower bar, because they can fire you on a whim, BUT if you are actually competent they will keep you around for years or offer you a permanent spot without any interview process.

6. To fill blanks in your resume, look for companies that went under. Or use companies owned by friends and family. Like if your uncle has a landscaping company, and it's useful for your resume, then guess what, you worked at his company for 3 years. Use friends and family as "references." Ask them to be the corporate director of so-and-so. You can even hire strangers on the internet to give job references, there are services like that.

7. Mentality : Until you get a job, your JOB is to get the job. Show up punctually at 9:15AM, in proper attire for job hunt. At your home office. Be prepared to make calls, fax resumes, take trips downtown, interview, etc. Monday to Friday 9-5, your job is being a job-seeker, just like a regular job. If there are structural reasons you can't do this (oversleep, out of shape, no suits, etc then make it part of your JOB to get these things fixed. Go out walking every day, diet, etc to get in shape, read technical books to brush up, go buy 2-3 suits, get them fitted and tailored to look great, etc.)

Like I said, in a perfect world, you wouldn't have to do any of that. In a perfect world, companies would take inexperienced people and train them. There would be apprenticeships and free education and training.

In our world, there is NONE of that.

In our world, you can't get the job without experience, and you can't get experience without the job. Catch-22.

The best thing is to not completely lie, but to embellish. If you volunteered for 3 months at a newspaper, turn that into a year and say you were the assistant editor.

If Hillary can do it, why can't you. She is not qualified to even be a barista.

This is how the world works.

Red pill for the red pill.

Good luck
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby The Shadow » Tue Nov 08, 2016 7:00 pm

Good post! Having been self-employed for a long time I quickly learned that employers dont want self-governed people
too much. Since I am in the trucking biz, we have to put up with a lot of shit, so I have quit a few jobs due to management
being fucked up ( Working for drivers who became managers is the shits in this biz) in the head, so I left with a few parting words to say before I went. Hell, my resume is about half truthful, but if I hire on I get the job done,as long as the management treats me with respect.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Entreri » Wed Nov 09, 2016 2:45 am

I agree, aside from temping. Temping is fucking bullshit, and one of the fastest ways to get fucked over every which way to Sunday. If you have ABSOLUTELY no other options, then go for it. Otherwise, no. Temping isn't scraping the bottom of the barrel; temping is picking thru the dirt where the barrel was sitting. Temping is the work equivalent of dating a single mother.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby No4Dad » Wed Nov 09, 2016 11:45 am

I did contract work for 25 years (temping). It can be done and can be quite lucrative.

Also, when companies have layoffs, they typically walk the employees to the door, I think because the employees feel "married" to the company and feel like the company owes them something and will do damage on the way out. Contractors would get 30 days notice to wrap things up.

It's not always like that. If you suck as a contractor they may just walk you to the door / cut your contract.

The thing I hate is the absolute bullshit that is in job hunting (IT here):

They post a job with a rigid set of requirement which you're supposed to have and, these days, it's a pretty broad range where most people won't be good at all of them or maybe even any of them - jack of all trades/master of none sort of thing. They're basically trying to convince you that they run a real top-notch shop and are all well into the technology and everyone is a genius.

Meanwhile, you have to convince them that your current job, and your background, makes you the perfect-fit genius and that you know everything about everything.

Typically, though, the place you're going is just as fucked up as the place you came from and the people you're working with really aren't smarter than you and driving the technology each day. If you're hiring someone, they're probably not a genius, either.

Add to this that a lot of people, this is from my current job but I've seen it elsewhere, make a lot of "science projects" on the job so that they can add some new technology to their resume and they never quite understood it and created something that, maybe, barely runs but they're looked at as a genius in house (because they did something new, instead of something stable) and, to a potential employer, they have "skills"!.. When they don't they never understood what they were doing and it's all just bullshit.

I have a friend who's a solid Java programmer. He's approaching 20 years of doing it. Great guy. Great developer. I'd hire him in a second. He went for a job at a former place I worked and I knew the manager he met with. The manager had maybe 3 years of development experience (some of it Java) from 15 years ago. Been a manager every since. The test was to write a function to generate a fibonacci sequence. My friend, like myself, doesn't normally write recursive code but, in this case, he did because it is a situation that calls for it. He writes it. The manager complains that he made it recursive instead of just doing it 10 times and stopping. Every software developer I know would have very likely made a recursive function for this. Even if you're adverse to recursive functions, you'd still do it in this case. So this manager deems him unfit.. and loses a great developer because he's (the manager) an idiot.

That's just dumb. I've experienced similar things myself. One about 2 years back was for a job for C which I'm quite good at (no problems with pointers/memory at all.. I completely get it). I had a test on a call for which you should use: strcpy or strncpy. I said, "Well, either way, you want to make sure that you have: a) enough buffer to copy the string into, such as in strcpy's case or b) null-terminate the string if you use strncpy because it doesn't write the null at the end."

I was wrong. The correct answer was "strcpy()". It didn't matter that I could talk intelligently about it and new the pitfalls of either. All that mattered was that I didn't just say, "strcpy()". It's just so incredibly dumb.

@dubya's ideas are spot on.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby TheWanderer » Thu Nov 10, 2016 1:20 am

Good solid advice all around. No loyalty, that died a long time ago. Companies will fuck you over at the drop of a hat so you should be willing to do the same to them. Starting with your resume before you even go for interviews. It's not like you're lying to become a brain surgeon or anything, so just do what you need to do.

At your job you should always have the parasite mentality. Maximum extraction with minimal giving. Ghost of course and if you must interact with females, avoid anything about yourself. Act like you don't give a shit around them. I've done that with some females at workplaces before and when they see you don't give a shit they know they can't do anything to you.

Never sign anything if you get written up. That's one regret I have. Be prepared to walk anytime. Never trust a coworker, never open up, never associate more than you must for work. Do your shit and go home. Always put yourself first. Build a fuck you fund if possible. Always have something going on in your life that matters besides a job.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Calloway » Thu Nov 10, 2016 5:31 pm

Be careful when telling someone to lie on a resume.

If you're "filling in the gaps" or whatever, that's one thing. But don't apply for something that takes degrees and certifications and experience, when you have none of the above. Eventually, they will discover it. And you'll be booted out.

I once worked at a place where we hired a multi-degreed engineer to start a new section of the company. He presented himself well, except he went out of his way to belittle the crew that was already there, as if he looked down on us. Not a bright idea, even when actually having experience. Eventually, a couple of his projects hit HUGE snags and the owner decided to check up on his past. He came in that weekend and loaded all his supplies into his truck and vanished. We found out *ALL* the degrees were fake and he never worked at any of the places he listed on his resume.

The owner broke this news to us Monday morning, along with telling us that he ran a background check on all of us as well and we all came back clean and honest to our resume.

A few weeks later, we had a new engineer in for an interview. When checking up on him later, the owner found out that this guy didn't graduated from the university he listed on his resume. In talking to the applicant later, he told him if he had just not listed a university, it would have been fine as we had some non-degreed people there. However, since he lied on his resume, he will not be getting the job.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Cherubino » Thu Nov 10, 2016 6:16 pm

Good people will find good companies. The stories of No4Dad and Calloway both point into that direction. You don't want to get hired by an idiot boss. Why would you? You end up having to report to an idiot.

Usually there is a way to find out which shops in your region are the good ones. For a few years I worked in call-centers. Even in that cut-throat industry there where one or two good shops in my town. Once I landed a gig in one of them and it made a huge difference. It also took more effort to get the job.

So on a strategic level I would shoot for the good companies and apply early and often.

You can go on internet forums and ask about specific companies. Google them, see what comes up.

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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby a_real_man » Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:23 pm

Do ya'll have any networking advice?
My impression is that it's hard to just send your resume to places that don't know you and get accepted; that is you want to get a referral. But getting a referral seems difficult. You have to have somehow made friends with the right person, which may be difficult, if you don't already work there or stalk them...
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Calloway » Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:59 pm

a_real_man wrote:Do ya'll have any networking advice?


The best thing I've done for networking is to start an account on LinkedIn. Then, send "Friend Requests" to people you work with currently and have in the past. Be sure to list your experience online there.

I have people contact me from there frequently, simply because they need help with something that I have done on a past job. Recruiters will also frequently search for people with specific skills on there for open jobs that they have an immediate need to fill.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Morgu » Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:37 pm

Calloway wrote:
a_real_man wrote:Do ya'll have any networking advice?


The best thing I've done for networking is to start an account on LinkedIn. Then, send "Friend Requests" to people you work with currently and have in the past. Be sure to list your experience online there.

I have people contact me from there frequently, simply because they need help with something that I have done on a past job. Recruiters will also frequently search for people with specific skills on there for open jobs that they have an immediate need to fill.

Don't post your resume on LinkedIn. Doing so makes ghosting impossible.

Using the site might be ok, just remember LinkedIn is marked as a "social media" website, and thus is required to surrender to the gov any and all of the information you submit to the website.

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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Slade » Mon Dec 12, 2016 2:19 pm

No4Dad wrote:The thing I hate is the absolute bullshit that is in job hunting (IT here):

They post a job with a rigid set of requirement which you're supposed to have and, these days, it's a pretty broad range where most people won't be good at all of them or maybe even any of them - jack of all trades/master of none sort of thing. They're basically trying to convince you that they run a real top-notch shop and are all well into the technology and everyone is a genius.


Oh yes, this is the new normal. The "interviews" are gauntlets that last all day, where you are grilled by successive groups all day, when you are asked to solve misleading "gotcha" puzzles, write code on a white board while 10 people watch and criticize you, have your personality and character probed. At one job I was asked to give a 15 minute presentation on a tech topic of my choice, presumably to check my communications skills. I don't see how being an extrovert will make me a better engineer, but whatever.

And then, after thinking that you hit it out of the park, you find out the next day that one of the answers you gave (like in the strcpy() example above) wasn't the one they wanted, so, sorry, you aren't a good fit.

And even if you do bat 1.000 and get the offer, you find out that the new place (as was mentioned above) is even more dysfunctional than the old place. They grill the fuck out of you on process, only to find out that there is no process followed (like design or code reviews or writing specs or unit tests) because there "there isn't any time for that" and that these "geniuses" who were passing judgement on you, they write shitty, buggy code.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby Demosthenes » Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:11 pm

Slade wrote:
No4Dad wrote:The thing I hate is the absolute bullshit that is in job hunting (IT here):

They post a job with a rigid set of requirement which you're supposed to have and, these days, it's a pretty broad range where most people won't be good at all of them or maybe even any of them - jack of all trades/master of none sort of thing. They're basically trying to convince you that they run a real top-notch shop and are all well into the technology and everyone is a genius.


Oh yes, this is the new normal. The "interviews" are gauntlets that last all day, where you are grilled by successive groups all day, when you are asked to solve misleading "gotcha" puzzles, write code on a white board while 10 people watch and criticize you, have your personality and character probed. At one job I was asked to give a 15 minute presentation on a tech topic of my choice, presumably to check my communications skills. I don't see how being an extrovert will make me a better engineer, but whatever.

And then, after thinking that you hit it out of the park, you find out the next day that one of the answers you gave (like in the strcpy() example above) wasn't the one they wanted, so, sorry, you aren't a good fit.

And even if you do bat 1.000 and get the offer, you find out that the new place (as was mentioned above) is even more dysfunctional than the old place. They grill the fuck out of you on process, only to find out that there is no process followed (like design or code reviews or writing specs or unit tests) because there "there isn't any time for that" and that these "geniuses" who were passing judgement on you, they write shitty, buggy code.



Different job, but I went through this 'new normal' in 1992 for a job. I got that job, but damn it was a long damn day.

Most of those people should not have been responsible for evaluating a potential new employee either.
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Re: How to destroy unemployment

Postby going this way » Sun May 14, 2017 1:05 pm

Calloway wrote:Be careful when telling someone to lie on a resume.

If you're "filling in the gaps" or whatever, that's one thing. But don't apply for something that takes degrees and certifications and experience, when you have none of the above. Eventually, they will discover it. And you'll be booted out.

I once worked at a place where we hired a multi-degreed engineer to start a new section of the company. He presented himself well, except he went out of his way to belittle the crew that was already there, as if he looked down on us. Not a bright idea, even when actually having experience. Eventually, a couple of his projects hit HUGE snags and the owner decided to check up on his past. He came in that weekend and loaded all his supplies into his truck and vanished. We found out *ALL* the degrees were fake and he never worked at any of the places he listed on his resume.

The owner broke this news to us Monday morning, along with telling us that he ran a background check on all of us as well and we all came back clean and honest to our resume.

A few weeks later, we had a new engineer in for an interview. When checking up on him later, the owner found out that this guy didn't graduated from the university he listed on his resume. In talking to the applicant later, he told him if he had just not listed a university, it would have been fine as we had some non-degreed people there. However, since he lied on his resume, he will not be getting the job.


Honesty is always the best policy, usually people who lie are desperate or so wishful. I once had a buddy back in the 90's (who I haven't heard much from since), that I think lied to get a welding job, he was like "I did it in high school how hard could it be" -well I guess he was in need of cash, his first week I think went well or almost, now I don't know much about welding but like many I've noticed it happen around me or seen it on youtube. Of course I think it was by the end of his first week they let him go, he looked at the project as he was welding it, he said something like they wanted a fan directly on it but he couldn't see it with the mask on, so of course his eyes looked worse than someone with pinkeye. I myself would never do something like that, I'd never work on a project I couldn't have most control over.
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