What dating advice would you give this guy?

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What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby ZionDweller » Thu Aug 10, 2017 11:35 am

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romanti ... eed-change

So far Ive noticed he's getting a whole lot of advice from women which is always a bad thing. I bet he has no idea about that. I am curious what you guys would suggest though.

I'm getting friend zoned - I need to change

Hello. This is my first post on LS.

I'm here because I think I have identified a critical pattern that is holding me back in deepening relationship with women. And I am ready to throw as much energy and resource to change this as much as possible. On the last 3+ dates I have been friend zoned.


About Me
I am an introverted male, 30, and work as a Software Engineer, nerd alert! Because of a lack of social skills, social anxiety, ADHD-pi, moving around the world, and career ambition, I haven't started dating until my much later twenties. For an Engineer I am actually really good looking and in good shape although on the thin side. I think my friends would describe me as that really nice/shy guy. I would say I do have self-esteem and sensitivity issues that I've been trying to improve for the longest time and have made some progress through therapy. I'm also late I think developing my social skills and self-awareness but what are you gonna do. But I do consider myself very adventurous (mountaineer and climber), ambitious/enterprising (Starting a blog this year, I'll be getting into real estate property next year, and hopefully my own business someday), open minded (example: lived in two countries 3 years), and tenacious when it comes to learning something.



Relationship Background
I've had 1 serious relationship that lasted for 1.5 years before I started dating. We saw each other over the course of 3 months before we got intimate and about four when we started having sex. In the end, she said I had all the qualities she liked but didn't feel a spark anymore. We are friends.


The Dates:
#1
Dated a doctor for about 2 months. She asked me out and we saw each intensely. We got really close but had no sex, then she said wanted to be friends and ended up ghosting me.


#2
Dated an Engineer girl for about 2 months intensely. I was not physically aggressive at all. We went out on adventures all the time and enjoyed each others company. At the end of it she wanted to be friends.


#3
Dated a Psychologist I think I liked more for her looks than her. 1 month in she started initiating contact, hand holding. At Dinner she randomly kissed me. We started getting more physical but never had sex. She went cold on me for about a week. Then she says she does not see a romantic relationship with me. This confused the hell out of me since she initiated and things were looking to get more intimate. I mean, WTF? I said to her that I wasn't interested in being friends and only dating.


Some current strengths:
* I'm not needy and very independent. I'll only text when when I want to do something. I can't stand convos in text. I have lots of hobbies and friends that I can spend time with.
* I'm very adventurous and take my dates climbing, kayaking, and was going to take one sky diving but oh well...
* I'm a good listener
* I pay attention to reciprocating


Some current weaknesses:
* I get emotionally invested too fast. I want to feel that deep emotion and connection with someone right away. I'm not sure if this is perceived as a weakness and leads me into FZ.
* I'm not sure if I have a problem with intimacy or if I just move really slow.
* Very passive


Women I'd like to attract:
* Mid 20's to mid 30's
* Career oriented driven professionals
Still honing on the details on this as I go.


I'm looking for all suggestions, especially any blogs or books I can read.
But resources that would help me answer these question would help too:
* How can I solve the "nice guy" problem?
* How can I stimulate more attraction and be more seductive? But I'm not looking to become a pickup artist.
* How can I be more confident/hesitate less with women?
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby Sam I Am » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:01 pm

At this point ....

I'm getting friend zoned - I need to change



My advice would be --- Don't change. STAY IN THE FRIENDZONE (at most!)
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby Demosthenes » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:09 pm

Advice.

Stop taking her seriously. Stop 'dating' since 'dating' is part of courtship. Courtship is supposed to lead to marriage and any woman who wishes to marry does not wish to remain married. It's all about HER day.

She'll never be happy, or content. She'll never accept responsibility. She's not worth it. This one. The next one. No one is worth the risk of marriage that a man assumes when he signs a legal contract rigged in her favor. If she wants to get married, she disqualifies herself as being worthy of the commitment she seeks.

She knows marriage is a con job that benefits her and she knows the government and societal support programs will back her when she decides to divorce.

Women always want to know where the relationship is going. If you never reach destination marriage, you won;t have to worry about destination divorce. It's never about enjoying the journey together. She always has a next destination in mind that she has yet to reach. Women are worse than gamers trying to unlock achievements. :lol:

Achievement: DIVORCE

Don't be the game she's playing. Eventually she'll tire of the current game she is playing even if it is epic with hours of exploration and travel, and many many side quests.

Achievement Unlocked: Spousal Zombification via Stress induced Insomnia

Achievement level 5: You have cut off a friend or family member from his support network!

Achievement Level 2 Unlocked: You have spawned a Crotch Goblins and a Gash Gremlin

Achievement Unlocked: Conundrum for work/life/home balance
Achievement: You have criticized spouse for being home too much, and for being home too little!
Achievement: You have criticized spouse for working too much, and too little.
- Your spouse will now be in utter confusion with minuses to figuring out how to resolve his work/life/home balance properly.

Achievement Unlocked: All of your friends hate him!

And the list of achievements go on...and on and on
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby JohnnyComeLately » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:39 pm

Women I'd like to attract:
* Mid 20's to mid 30's
* Career oriented driven professionals
Still honing on the details on this as I go.


Lower your age range to 'late teens to early 20s' Seriously - you're only fucking 30. You don't need to bother with post-wall career women ffs. Which brings me to point number #2 - ask out a waitress or shop girl or whatever, rather than some status obsessed woman with a 'career'. They're less likely to have a list of 800 demands for you to fulfil. And try being a bit - not a douche - but relaxed in yourself and LESS sensitive. Don't take the shit they say too seriously and tease them a lot...
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby Dr Van Nostrand » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:57 pm

Seems like the girls are tired of having to be the man & initiate contact all the time. Sounds like the dude could be swimming in the pussy if he just made a move on these dates. But of course there are plenty of drawbacks from swimming in the pussy such as "accidental" pregnancies, real accidental pregnancies, STDs, false rape accusations, etc. So maybe he is better off just doing what he is doing or maybe just stop dating & continue to have fun with his buddies kayaking & rock climbing.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby TDG » Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:02 pm

Engineers. We are a bunch of nerdy pasty white guys.

Let me explain this like an engineer;

Problem - I keep getting friend zoned
Reason - You're too damn nice
Solution - Be less nice

As I often quip; if being a nice guy got me laid, I'd still be a nice guy.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby mongolking » Thu Aug 10, 2017 4:10 pm

I'm here because I think I have identified a critical pattern that is holding me back in deepening relationship with women.


Know thyself.

Why is it you want a 'deepening relationship with women?'

Think about it long and hard. Give yourself as long as it takes.

When you reach an answer you are sure is honest, ask yourself 'is it a worthy reason?'

Are you a better man for being driven by such a motive?

Are there not better pursuits that you can think of?

Do you never feel a little nauseous around women? Isn't the idea of dedicating all your potential to be around someone else a little bit humiliating?

Aren't you better than this?
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby ZionDweller » Fri Aug 11, 2017 11:25 am

Some of your comments here reminded me of this old post from Reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/com ... y_of_your/

Why most of today's women aren't worthy of your commitment.

Anyone remember this? I see so much truth in it!

I wonder if it's worth a new post all on its own as a refresher for the lurkers..

Excerpt:

If you're Machiavellian and understand women you will have no problem managing female bullshit. The real problem I think is most guys find the cherry just isn't sweet enough. That's to say, although YOU COULD manage her YOU'RE JUST NOT SUFFICIENTLY INCENTIVISED TO DO SO. Most women aren't worth the extra effort, simply enough. They take more than they give. For access to a vagina you have to:

Have her put all her worries and stress on you
Listen to her boring, empty, vapid social observations
Deal with her whining/being menstrual/insecure
Deal with her crazy whenever it rears its's head

And you have to deal with all that like a champ, stoically, because if you lose frame too much the relationship is fucked and she doesn't even want you anymore even though she's, to be quite blunt: an insufferable cunt. You pay so much in spirit and mental energy being in a relationship with a woman. Pussy can be had cheaper. If women have shit personalities, why do you want relationships with them? Most women have absolutely no personality that makes them worth commitment. What women don't seem to understand, flying off auto-pilot on their looks in youth, is that a hot tight body only attracts men, it doesn't keep them around. She will lose her beauty. You actually need to be mildly interesting and/or good-natured to be relationship material. So what do we do? We fuck and chuck.

Don't get me wrong, I think a lot of men would like a family - but it has to be with the right woman. Not a dim, boring, narcissistic empty shell of a human-being. Personally I rather never reproduce than put my children through the pain of being raised by a stupid, horrible, whiny self-entitled woman. I don't even care if she's good to the kids, if she's a cunt to me the kids will see that and it will affect them detrimentally. That's not how I imagine raising a family, you either DO IT RIGHT or you don't bother doing it at all.

LTRs should be mother material - most women nowadays aren't mothers because they deserve to be, but simply because they stopped taking their birth control. Too many whores are fucking dragging kids up nowadays, not raising them right - and that's why we have all the problems we do in society. Millennials are a mess because of divorce and single mothers. I don't want to put my kids through that bullshit. If she puts herself above family, she's not a woman I ever see as anything other than a hole to be used for my momentary leisure.

Not only is the reward lower, but the effort necessary is higher. So you're playing on a higher difficulty for a lower prize.

You have to be vigilant, you can't let your guard down or give into your kindness, because she will exploit it and see you as less for "showing weakness."

You have less sexual options than if you were single, this one woman is controlling your sexual preferences, and then she'll play games where she doesn't put out to control you. Basically, bitches weaponise your libido against you and then force you to listen to their feelings if you cant sufficiently dread/headfuck them. But if you stray to get your release then it's not her fault, it's yours, you're the evil one.

She knows you better so she's better at head fucking you. She'll press all your buttons, say shit plates wouldn't know. Say some shit about your mother, say some shit you told her about your childhood. Whatever. Basically any fucking thing you think is sacred she's going to use against you to "test you" and also because bitches are just plain crazy and hormonal and are going to lash out at some point. She's meant to be a partner but you can't even properly open up to her without her abusing that shit. And it's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN.

Likewise as she knows you better she's more immune to your techniques/strategies/mannerisms. She will become immune to different gambits/coping mechanisms you use like a fucking disease growing resistant to antibiotics. So you need to change your shit up or it'll all fall apart.

You have to keep reinventing yourself and being inconsistent, or she gets bored and looks elsewhere for cock on the side. Society/her family will support her in this and she'll just rationalise you're a cunt.

You don't really get a break. You don't get to let your guard down. Because if you do she freaks out and fucks off. Momentary vulnerability can only be superficial/aesthetic in nature. If you're LEGITIMATELY VULNERABLE she will dry up and abandon you.

So the work you put in IS IMMEASURABLE and the reward is negligible. It's a terrible investment.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby Morgu » Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:24 pm

Go monk.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby The Signal » Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:47 pm

The advice I would give already has been given: run. Get the Hell out of there while your life is still yours and still worth living.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby Alistair » Fri Aug 11, 2017 7:18 pm

1. The friend zone is as close as you would ever want to go. You have achieved the objective. Congratulations!

2. Stop giving a fuck.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby corvair61 » Fri Aug 11, 2017 7:42 pm

Stop giving a fuck.

Treat her like the slag she is.

He will be draped with pussy.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby a_real_man » Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:13 pm

Obviously, like many brothers here have said, you should count your lucky stars. But if you're really interested in getting entangled in the tentacles of the Y-deficient ones, and the problem is the friend zoning, I would say simply ask for what you want.

Do you want to fuck? Say,

"I can tell that we are eventually going to hook up. How about tonight or even better, right now?"

Do you want to go on a date? Say,

"I want us to go on a date. Do you like Tuesday or Thursday better?"

Guaranteed to get you out of the friend zone, one way or another.

Also I should mention that I'm not a pick up artist. It has simply been my experience that being direct and fearless gets the twats excited. Although they will shit test you to see if you also walk the talk.
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Re: What dating advice would you give this guy?

Postby IG72 » Wed Aug 16, 2017 12:15 am

ZionDweller wrote:
I'm getting friend zoned.


Lucky him.

I guess now at least he has an historical on-line post to refer back to, 20 years from now, once he's been put through the mill. At which point, he'll wish he could invent a time machine to go back to tell himself the big mistake he's making.

Avoid Women. Enjoy Life. Profit.
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